What's that? I'm in a Web Series? Okay cool!

I've heard that the best way to tell a story is to start at the end briefly, then to go back to the beginning and work your way back to the end, giving a chance for different characters to show their perspectives. However, I don't have time for that. I have funerals to go to (Horrible skiing accident, don't ask) So I'll make this as brief as I can.

As actors, its easy to become naturally pessimistic. It happens and it's perfectly normal. It's just how we cope with working in a very competitive business. Being told that you're not right for a role because you look to young, or your nose is the wrong shape, or crotch-less jeans are inappropriate attire for an audition-- well, it helps give you a thick skin. As well as this, we've all been involved in projects that have fallen through. Film projects are notorious for this. That's why we try and avoid getting over excited when fun jobs come up. However, containing my excitement when Trit told me about Ultra Clean proved to be impossible.

A few months ago I was involved in a show with the other cast members called The Playwright's Dozen. Unbeknownst to us, Tristram came and saw it. He must have liked what he saw because a few days later, he added me on Facebook and told me that he really enjoyed the play I wrote "Ones and Zeros". I put the enjoyment factor of that play on the performances of Ollie Brylynsky and Jack Gow rather than my writing but what evs.

Anyway, about a month ago, we were told that a comedy Web Series called Ultra Clean had been written and we were being considered for roles. "Hell to the yes!" I yelled out loud as fellow bus passengers looked at me with what I can only describe as a combination of disgust and annoyance. After I got kicked off the bus, I read the synopsis. It was really something else. Exactly my kind of humour which is both amazing and kind of creepy. The characters are so well written and the dynamics between the four Ultra Clean members is really going to drive this show along. Ollie, Tina and Tara are all amazing actors and their involvement guaranteeing that this will be an amazing show to work on.

In just over a month, we've met three times, had table reads, rehearsals, production photos taken, found a production company and set up locations for shooting a pilot. This is going to be a rollercoaster ride, so keep your arms and legs in the cart at all times and if you vomit all over yourself, well...I know a good team of cleaners who can help fix that right up.

Thankyou for sitting through what is sure to be the worst written and least funny of all the posts on this blog. Let me reward you with a picture of a happy puppy!

What? That's what happiness looks like, right?

Right!?

Beginnings

Every great project has a beginning.  The Titanic started with someone thinking “Wouldn’t it be great if we had a really massive ship?  I mean bigger than anyone could possibly think is reasonable?  We could build it and then be hubristically overconfident about the possibility of it ever sinking.  Sigh!”  The film Titanic began when James Cameron thought “Wouldn’t it be great if we had a really massive film?  I mean bigger than anyone could possibly think is reasonable?  We could make it and then 12 years later make a different massive film with blue people that earns more money than the one I’m talking about making now, but only after 3D sales are considered.  Sigh!”

As you can see, beginnings can be audacious, even crazy.  Beginnings are for dreamers.  Well, right now, dreaming is exactly what I’m doing.  I’ve come up with an idea for a web series.  If you don’t know what a web series is, have a look at three of my favourites: Wainy Days, Comedians In Cars Getting Coffee and Burning Love.  Making a web series is just like making long-form TV, except what you’re making is not long-form and it’s not for TV.  Imagine taking a  car and shrinking it down to the size of a much smaller car.  Now imagine cramming that smaller car full of clowns.  That’s a web series.

My idea for a web series is called Ultra Clean.  It’s a comedy about four friends who run a cleaning company together.  The concept is that each episode will be 5 or 6 minutes long and will take place in one of the houses that the team is cleaning.  Each week brings a different adventure in a different house.  The idea stems from my love of ensemble comedies like Cheers, Seinfeld and Community, and also from my knowledge that it’s damn hard to find locations to shoot low-budget productions.  I’ve always found that the easiest place to shoot a short film is inside someone’s house.  You don’t have to worry about wind, or rain, or people driving by in cars and shouting “Pinch a handful of my genitals!” in the middle of a perfect take.  Dramatically, I also like the idea of a confined space, meaning there’s no escape-valve on conflicts that build up between characters.

As soon as I came up with the idea for Ultra Clean, I scribbled down a couple of scripts, which I then fiddled with until I felt they were funny.  My scripts feature a bossy character, a wisecracking character, a ditzy character and a character who was born in prison.  This what's known as the holy quadrinity of situation comedy.  Once I finished polishing the scripts, I sent them to a director I know called John Wood.  He liked them and we met to talk about the project.

What lies ahead of us now involves casting, rewrites, art design, rehearsals, rewrites, pitching, sponsorship, rewrites, shooting and rewrites.  I may be overstating the number of rewrites, but probably not.  We’re starting this blog so we can capture all the highs and lows of a web series production, right from the very beginning.  It’s going to be quite a ride and we don’t know exactly what’s going to happen.  Will Ultra Clean be James Cameron’s Titanic, raking in piles of cash, winning awards and irritating viewers, or will it be the actual Titanic, rusting away at the bottom of the sea?  No one can say.  (Spoiler: it’s the first one.)